Challenge Fluff Response - An Unconventional Weapon

[darandkerry.livejournal.com]

Title: An Unconventional Weapon

Author: Ann

Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Pairing: Sam/Janet

Challenger: cabenson

Challenge: Any couple, anywhere, boobies

Disclaimer: No ownership, simply fluff.
Note:  This one is definitely weird even coming from me.
 

SG-1 returns through the gate, and each team member, with the exception of Teal’c, appears to be in some sort of hypnotic state. General Hammond immediately makes his way to the top of the ramp and asks, “Teal’c, what’s the matter with Colonel O’Neill, Major Carter, and Dr. Jackson? What happened on P3X-832?”

 

Teal’c merely shrugs his shoulders and replies, “We were met at the gate by a group of women, and my team members stood there and said nothing. They looked exactly as they do now. I deemed it necessary to return right away.”

 

General Hammond quickly calls for a medical team to report to the gate room, and a worried Janet hurries through the corridors followed by the rest of her staff. She immediately makes her way to the nearest member and is concerned when she is not able to get a response. 

 

Calling for three gurneys, she gives each team member a cursory examination and reports, “General Hammond, I have no idea what is wrong. It’s as if each of them is in some sort of deep trance. I’ll need to run more tests before I can attempt to make a diagnosis.”

 

Nodding his head, the general replies, “Very well, Doctor Frasier. Let me know the minute you know the problem.”

 

The medical staff carries the affected team members back to the infirmary where Janet orders a multitude of tests be performed on each one. She takes her place by Sam’s side and begins the first of the tests.

 

Hours later, General Hammond makes his way into the infirmary and is met by a very frustrated Janet. She looks up and says, “General, I have no idea why the team is not responding to any outside stimuli. All the tests came back normal. It’s as if their minds are away on vacation.”

 

Not happy with the results, General Hammond asks, “Is that your professional opinion, Doctor?”

 

Janet sighs and replies, “No, I’m sorry, General Hammond. That was uncalled for; it’s just that I have no idea what is going on. There doesn’t seem to be anything medically wrong with the three of them.”

 

The general tells Janet to call if there’s any change as he leaves the room, and Janet sits down beside Sam’s bed and takes her hand. Whispering, she says, “Sam, I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but I need for you to come back to me.”

 

A few minutes later, Sam squeezes Janet’s hand and blinks her eyes. Janet maintains her doctor role and looks at the monitor as Sam’s heart rate picks up before she suddenly sits up in bed.

 

Turning to the doctor, she asks, “Janet? What happened? What am I doing here?”

 

Smiling, Janet replies, “Welcome back, Sam. You gave us quite a scare.”

 

Janet quickly details the last few hours starting from her appearance in the gate room to the present. Although seemingly alert, Sam can’t remember anything after arriving at the planet.

 

Two groans are heard to the left and to the right, and Janet moves to her other patients. Daniel sits up in bed and repeats Sam’s earlier questions. He also can’t remember anything from the time he first stepped through the gate.

 

Jack, on the other hand, sits straight up in the bed and yells, “Boobies!”

 

Sam immediately replies, “Oh my God.  He’s right. I remember seeing boob . . . . er, breasts too. I mean also, not two.”

 

Daniel concurs with the other two statements as Teal’c walks into the room. Standing next to Jack’s bed, he says, “Colonel O’Neill, you are back.”

 

Janet immediately phones General Hammond to relay the good news.

 

Thirty minutes later, the team along with Janet report to the general’s office to try to figure out what happened. Daniel, Sam, and Jack remember stepping through the gate and finding four women standing beside the DHD. 

 

When the women turned toward them, they were nude from the waist up, and a bright light was emitted from their breasts. The team members were blinded by the light and immediately went into a trance-like state. Teal’c was unaffected.

 

After further questioning, Teal’c recalled dropping part of his pack thus delaying his trip through the gate by a few seconds. He didn’t see the light at all.

 

No one could come up with a reasonable explanation for the incident so it was decided to avoid the planet effective immediately. After all, if only four women could immobilize the team with just their breasts, no telling what an entire army of these women could do.

 

Smiling, Jack says, “You know. I don’t think the light would have been necessary because personally, I have never seen more perfect boobies in my entire life.”

 

Without thought, Sam mutters, “I have.”

 

Everyone at the table turns to look at Sam while an embarrassed Janet excuses herself as she leaves the room.

Comments

[cabenson.livejournal.com]

Perfect boobies indeed!

[darandkerry.livejournal.com]

Perfect boobies indeed!

Oh yes, they most definitely are. :)

[elfcat255.livejournal.com]

Ha!...that was funny! Good response!

[darandkerry.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I have actually seen a few women in my day whose 'boobies' should have been registered as lethal weapons.

[loridragus.livejournal.com]

Oh I liked this.

[darandkerry.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked it. I do have to admit that sometimes my muse really scares me.

[triggerhappy.livejournal.com]

hahaha, cute.

[darandkerry.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I wasn't sure how readers would take this one, but I was hoping for it to be taken in the same manner in which it was written---absolute fluff.

BTW--I love your icon.

[triggerhappy.livejournal.com]

Thanks, chelskay made it.

[mrswoman.livejournal.com]

Very clever, my dear :)

[darandkerry.livejournal.com]

For a minute or two there, I was vacillating between very clever, very weird, and very insane. I'm glad you enjoyed it; you seem to always accept my somewhat strange sense of humor. :)

[mrswoman.livejournal.com]

That's because I have a strange sense of humour too ;-)

What the hell time do you call this?

[darandkerry.livejournal.com]

I do have a name for the incredibly early post time; I call it ohGod o'clock.

[replicarter22.livejournal.com]

Jack, on the other hand, sits straight up in the bed and yells, “Boobies!”

LMFAO

I can't stop laughing, this was great.

[darandkerry.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I actually pictured the scene you referred to first, then I just had to write a story around it. :)

[kjaneway.livejournal.com]

*giggle*

Very nice.

[darandkerry.livejournal.com]

Isn't fluff fun? *grin*

[kjaneway.livejournal.com]

Isn't fluff fun?

Oh, absolutely.

I wish I was better at writing it.

[frogfrizz.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! Thoroughly entertained by it. I've never seen Stargate and I can't call myself a fan but you got me hooked. :) Loved how you ended it, very clever.

[darandkerry.livejournal.com]

Thanks, this fandom and its characters are so easy to write for. Glad you enjoyed it.

[slamaina.livejournal.com]

... I have never seen more perfect boobies in my entire life.”

Without thought, Sam mutters, “I have.”




LMFAO - Perfect Boobies are defiantly a dangerous weapon.

[darandkerry.livejournal.com]

I agree...perfect boobies on the right chest are most definitely a dangerous weapon. :)

[ml-spikie.livejournal.com]

ROTFL Another one I missed. Apparently I was not paying attention in August! This is just too funny. Loved it!

[darandkerry.livejournal.com]

Happy Thanksgiving!

[darandkerry.livejournal.com]

Weird, my first reply didn't post, so I'll try again.

Glad you liked it....Happy Thanksgiving!!!